Actions speak louder than words; being a good ally takes action.
“This story is part of the Queer Current segment, covering the most pivotal issues in the LGBTQ+ community.”
Whether you, your friend, a family member, a co-worker or a stranger is queer, there is one common ground amongst all of them: they need support.
Being an ally can be shown in different ways, and it’s important for allies to be educated on what the term really means to them. One of the simplest and most important ways to show support is to always use the name and pronouns that people want you to use–because doing so is proven to have significant effects on mental well-being. According to The Trevor Project, based on a study of 107 people, 47% of transgender and nonbinary people report that family and community members respect their name and pronouns, leaving many without the basic courtesy of being called their name. If you make a mistake, apologize, say the pronoun you meant to say, and move on without dwelling on the mistake. It is also important to never out trans individuals. Letting LGBTQ+ individuals discover themselves and come out to everyone on their own terms is extremely valuable and crucial to their mental well-being.
When it comes to supporting your friends and family, the most important thing to do is make it clear you are there for them. Well, how can you do this? You can show your support by creating a social setting that includes your straight, cisgender, and queer friends. More Research from The Trevor Project shows that supportive social environments significantly reduce feelings of isolation in LGBTQ+ people, who are often at higher risk for mental health issues when rejected or misunderstood. Having an open and inclusive social setting gives LGBTQ+ individuals a safe space to always have when needed. Including partners in activities, watching movies or shows together that involve LGBTQ+ topics or characters, and making attending a pride event a group activity are all ways to continue creating that inclusive space. Studies, also from The Trevor Project, show that LGBTQ+ youth with affirming support from family and friends are far less likely to experience suicidal thoughts or attempts–this shows that support literally saves lives.
Alongside this, finding ways to comfortably talk about LGBTQ+ news and also attending events with those in the LGBTQ+ community opens the door for conversation. Public polling has found that more than half of LGBTQ+ Americans say there is little support specifically for trans people, which highlights the importance of allies speaking up and making themselves known. Them Magazine explains how queer news helps people engage with current issues, as well. Mentioning queer news and other LGBTQ+ friends in a positive way and finding ways to openly talk about issues your queer friends may be facing with cis friends helps normalize these conversations. Talking about the queer community in general, with the positives and negatives they face, lends the helping hand that they may need in any situation, good or bad. Using inclusive language in regular conversations also helps reinforce support in everyday settings.
When it comes to co-workers or an educational setting, using inclusive language is extremely important. For example, nearly three-quarters of LGBTQ+ employees say that the use of appropriate pronouns–such as including pronouns in their email signature–signals that their workplace is inclusive. Also, introducing yourself with pronouns will help create a more comfortable environment for others to share theirs, as well as putting your pronouns in your email signature. If you hear an anti-LGBTQ+ joke, speaking up and explaining why the comments or jokes are harmful and offensive is another way to be supportive. Active allies in the workplace have been shown to help reduce feelings of isolation. Without it, LGBTQ+ employees may report feeling like “the only one” in the room or needing to hide parts of their lives. With this, you can add supportive symbols to your office, vehicle or home–you can add things such as an ally button or sticker, a sticker on your name badge, or a bumper sticker! Again, it is important to always use the name and pronouns people ask you to use and to never out a trans individual.
The next question you may have is “how can I get more involved”? Some of the easier ways to start getting more involved is to post a message online, supporting a LGBTQ+ issue, or to read a publication to learn more about the queer community. Additionally, reaching out to join support groups–whether physical, through social media, other networking sources–or contacting government officials about LGBTQ+ rights are further ways to get involved. Visiting the PFLAG website, which is used to connect allies and families with the queer community, is another way to continue learning and staying connected. PFLAG is one of the largest organizations dedicated to family support, ally education, and advocacy, with hundreds of chapters and hundreds of thousands of supporters across the United States.
One of the biggest parts of being an ally is to learn what being an ally actually means. Understand that ally is a verb– because actions are louder than words, and you can’t persuade someone that you are an ally simply by words. Actions like showing up consistently, educating yourself, and correcting harm when you see it matter far more than simply saying you’re supportive. Being there, being supportive, and using your actions, like standing up for LGBTQ+ issues even when no queer individuals are watching, is what allyship looks like. There is no single “correct” way to be an ally. Allyship exists on a spectrum, and being actively supportive, visible, vocal, and willing to learn is what truly defines it.
It may not seem like it, but being an ally can really help LGBTQ+ people in the long run. 67% of young LGBTQ+ individuals report having symptoms of mental health issues, like depression and anxiety. 40% of the young LGBTQ+ people wanted mental health care, but did not receive it. The highest reason for not receiving care is because they were afraid to talk about their mental health. Being an ally means being there for the LGBTQ+, and supporting them, no matter how small, can do amazing things to help others.
Next, we will hear from Ron and Sandra Richard, who work with the nonprofit organization PFLAG out of Greater Providence, and how they would define what an ally means on a greater scale.
Thank you Ron and Sandra for your important insight and great work that you are doing for the LGBTQ+ community!
Until next time on Queer Currents, stay informed and stay proud!
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